there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
