i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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