just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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