Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
