you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
