I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Randomize
