u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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