One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
