Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
