I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
