I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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