I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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