I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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