Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
