As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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