CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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