well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
