I wish i was in the wii world.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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