I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
