I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
