he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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