Soap is not a condiment
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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