goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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