Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
