I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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