Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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