He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
