You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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