i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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