i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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