No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
