Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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