I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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