So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
