you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
