For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
