So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
