Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
