No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
