Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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