my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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