It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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