Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he puts the penis in happiness.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
