The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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