Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
