there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
