she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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