i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
