I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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