before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
