are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
