I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
