remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
