I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
