Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
